Fat Friday (Day 19)

Dear Diary,

I am pissed.  I am seriously crabby.  I was feeling fairly light-hearted when I confessed to the accidental miscombine on Tuesday.  Wednesday was good.  Last night I miscombined again, just in a hurry, throwing together an unplanned meal to satisfy me and Shawn, yet not get the kids so ticked off they stop trying the new foods.  And I made something healthy.  The Maple Glazed Salmon from Natalia's book.  But I made it with sweet potatoes.  And tri-color quinoa with raw zucchini, olives and a few sprinkles of raw goat cheese. It was yummy.  And satisfying.  And so very wrong.

So, I shouldn't say what I'm about to say because it's really not fair.  But I'm just going to anyway.  I'm pissed.  I know I'm gaining weight.  Shawn says we need to buy a scale because I'm nuts and there's no way, but I know, the way a girl just knows and I'm grasping at straws if I try to convince myself he's telling the truth.  Well, let me amend that, I'm sure he believes what he's saying to be true.  He's not lying; he's just wrong.

My belly has gotten so big, I look pregnant again.  My kids keep commenting on it so it's not just in my head.  And the frustrating part is, I feel...ok, I'll admit it...kind of deprived.  Like I'm playing the martyr, not eating what I really want to be eating.  But instead of losing the last few pounds I wasn't too worried about in the first place I'm gaining weight.  What the HECK?!

So, I have a few possible theories for myself (but I'd love to hear your opinions too!):

1. It's psychological: I'm feeling "deprived" because I'm not getting the fix of what I'm craving and then over-compensating (i.e. I've been DYING for a bowl of cereal - and by "cereal" I mean the super-healthy, organic stuff that looks like twigs and whose box brags about all the fiber and protein it offers, mind you, not Trix or Coco Puffs or something....but I can't have cereal so I have a handful of nuts, then some prunes, then some figs, then some other nuts, then, still disappointed, a Larabar...hmmm....that's a lot of calories I bet.)

2. It's physical:  This miscombining thing is worse than I realized and after a week or two of "cleaning" my system, my stomach bloats more easily, despite my incredibly healthy food choices, when those choices include an accidental miscombine.

3. I've become obsessed with food.  Trying new recipes.  Trying vegetables I've never heard of.  I'm reading blogs, cookbooks, browsing Pinterest, all with RAW FOOD on the brain.  And, even raw food is, well, food.  And thinking about food makes me hungry.

4. It's a combination:  I'm over-eating dense, fatty foods because I'm tired, crabby, whatever...and then I'm getting uncomfortable, bloated - and possibly dehydrated (I NEVER drink enough water) - and the vicious cycle begins where I then try to make myself "feel better" (less tired, crabby, etc.) by eating more...but fearing the "miscombine" continue to eat more in the same category of dense, fatty, non-hydrating foods rather grab what I'd normally grab, an apple.

I don't know.  I felt so good the first week.  And Shawn is THRIVING on this program.  My children are unbelievable, trying new foods.  No more tummy aches for the girls AT ALL.  I know this 80/20 raw thing is a good thing in theory.  And I have committed to sticking with this and intend to figure it out, I do NOT intend to give up.  But I have to be honest:  I'm frustrated.  No one goes on a detox - no one seeks out a "New Normal" - if that normal means GAINING weight.  Something's gotta give.

Should I just cut out the dried fruits and nuts category completely for a few days?  Should I go back to the very specific regimen outlined in The Book until I figure this out?  Should I just get out of my house, out of my kitchen, and stop thinking about food for a while?  I need help!!!!!

Thanks for listening.

PLEASE ADVISE,
Becky

The REAL RAW truth... (Day 18)

Dear Diary,

In the past 18 days I have learned so much about RAW food and my REAL body… Most importantly I have finally come to realize what works for me and more importantly, what does not! In the past, I felt like I was trapped in a shell of a body that didn’t really belong to me. I felt like an uncomfortable visitor; always tip toeing around in uneasiness. I could never seem to ‘put my finger’ on what was making me feel the way I was or I just simply didn’t want to take the time/make the effort to seek/find the real reasons for feeling so ‘uncomfortable’. With that said, I have never been overweight or underweight; but always somewhere in-between. My weight has always fluctuated up and down. I love food (and wine)! And I am was okay with that. I had just accepted that feeling ‘that’ way was normal and that it was “easier”. I created this stigma around being Raw, Vegan, Fruititarain (aka typical Maui-hippie) and didn’t want to be so ‘difficult’. I hated the thought of being “that person”. I just didn’t care that much. What? How could I not care that much, about MYSELF? I was literally feeling like SHIT 50% of the time, and had come to accept that! Until recently! This ‘experiment’ has truly made me realize YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT!!! You put crap into your body then you’re going to feel like crap. You put whole food into your body then you going to feel like a whole person. I am no longer okay ‘tip-toeing’ around, uneasy, and uncomfortable. I have realized that improper food combining was the main culprit, making me feel bloated, sluggish, or simply ‘uncomfortable’. I have realized that juicing gives me abundant energy and sustainability. I have realized that eating too many nuts (at one time) isn’t good for me and that having a little ‘warmth’ such as soup or steamed veggies in the evening is. This is an experiment! There’s going to be ups and downs and lots of self-discovery. I am truly ‘learning’ as I go. But what I am finding that is the most important to me and my true self; is listening to my body and responding to its ‘needs’ not just ignoring them due to inconvenience; and honoring that this is a life-change and that I am in charge!

Love, 

Maggie

Seriously? Who Doesn't Think of These Things? (Day 17)

Dear Diary,

I have a complaint to register with the manufacturers of my juicer. Oh, my complaint's not with the juicer, my juicer turns vegetables into juice in nothing flat. And clean up's a snap. No, my complaint's not with the juicer. As a matter of fact, I've gotten quite comfortable with my morning juice routine - get the veggies out of the refrigerator, pile them on the counter, flip the switch on the juicer and start feeding them down the chute. I don't even think about it any more. So, imagine my surprise yesterday morning when I looked down to see pear nectar pouring out of the spout of my juicer and running across the kitchen counter! Aaaagggghhhhhh!!!!

No, my complaint's not with the juicer, my complaint is with the instruction manual. I want to see the following warning in big red capital letters: WARNING: FAILURE TO PROPERLY PLACE CONTAINER UNDER SPOUT BEFORE JUICING WILL RESULT IN A HUGE MESS. And if I can't have it in the manual, I want it right across the side of my juicer. Seriously, why didn't someone think to print this important piece of information somewhere?

I love Green Lemonade in the morning and I love carrot/ginger/grapefruit in the afternoon. There's not an afternoon that rolls around that doesn't find me thinking it's time to fire up the juicer again. Yesterday was no exception. Out came the carrots, out came the ginger and the grapefruit. Container properly positioned under the spout .... aaand we're off! In went the carrots, out came the juice, but wait! What the ... OH, CR@P!! I didn't put the pulp catcher in place! There was pulp blowing out the back of my juicer! Oh, yeah - it was going everywhere! I couldn't get the machine turned off fast enough.

I've looked all over that manual and nowhere do I see WARNING: FAILURE TO PLACE PULP CATCHER IN IT'S PROPER POSITION BEFORE JUICING WILL RESULT IN AN EVEN BIGGER MESS.

Again, is it too much to ask that someone be on the ball over there? Perhaps I'll send an email suggesting the above, along with one more warning. NOTE: IN THE EVENT THAT YOU FAIL TO HEED ALL PREVIOUS WARNINGS, BE SURE AND RUN YOUR JUICER BEFORE YOU SPEND TWO HOURS CLEANING YOUR KITCHEN.

Stay tuned,
deborah